It occurred to me today that, with all of the dating experience I’m racking up, I might really have something important to share with my readers. To other women, I can merely provide a hearty laugh and perhaps the comfort of knowing they are not the only ones sufferring. To my *male* readers however, I can possibly offer some helpful advice.

Thus, guys, I present you with…

HOW NOT TO IMPRESS A GIRL ON YOUR FIRST OFFICIAL DATE:**

• Show up late. This alone will not do TOO much harm if you call first. However, being thirty minutes late and NOT calling will definately start you off on the wrong foot.
• Show up WITHOUT ANY CASH*. Seriously, we don’t expect you to pay for everything or necessarily anything, but you ought to have some money with you.
• Get rejected by the ATM*. Really? Like, you have no money in there? Not even like, $20???
• Say things along the lines of, “I’m not going to war, and I don’t know anyone going to war, so I don’t know about that, but War is good for small business, and that’s good for me and my pocket.” Regardless of what you might have meant by that, it will suggest to your date that you think it’s OK for innocent people to die so YOU can have a nicer car. She most likely won’t like this. She might start yelling at you in the street, screaming, “YEAH, WELL I CARE ABOUT CIVIL RIGHTS!”
• Tell your date you don’t care for freak-dancing, and then try to freak her. Especially if she agreed with you on the first part, it’s just not a good move, dude. Just sayin’. DIG that hole deeper…
• Randomly disappear and reappear. Magic is cool n’ all, but if your date is wondering WHERE IN THE HELL YOU WENT, and then you come back, but stand 10 feet away from her so she doesn’t SEE you and is STILL wondering where in the hell you went, she’s going to start to get annoyed. Repeat this behavior more than once in a night and you’re losing major points.
• Drink enough to force your date to drive your car.* You’ll get bonus points for admitting you can’t drive, but uh…weren’t you trying to impress this girl? Nice work, drunkass!
• Drink while taking a controlled Narcotic. In fact, you know what will impress her LESS? Making up a bullshit reason why you’re even on the stuff in the first place! She won’t really believe that stress causes gum soreness, but even if it is true, she definately won’t believe they prescribed VICODIN to ease your ‘pain’.
• Attempt to use a maxed-out credit card.* DECLINED?!? FOR REAL!? Given the cash thing, and the ATM thing, you’re like, seriously broke, aren’t you?
• Be a Bed Hog. Ok, so you’re too drunk to drive home, and your date has agreed to let you crash on the condition that you understand that sleep is your only option. STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED. If you cause her to hang off the edge for most of the night while simultaneously crushing her with random appendages, she’s going to be PISSED. Any merits you achieved by adhereing to the groundrules will go out the window. Most likely, you’ll keep her up all night and she’ll be destroyed for most of the next day. NOT GOOD, my man.

*If you happend to previously ramble on about how you like guys who are GUYS and girls who are GIRLS, the irony will not be lost on your date.

Keep in mind that these are just starting points. Common sense should lead you to come up with more of your own to add. Also, while any of the above behaviors will result in negative brownie points when applied seperately, it should be obvious that usage of all of the above combined will most likely ensure the pointlessness of a second date.

**If you’re reading this list and you think I’m talking about you, I’m not. It was some other guy. No one else thinks it was you either. Relaaax.

Someone called me a WIMP the other day. Someone was trying to suggest that maaaybe I don’t have what it takes to Rogue!

Someone is apparently wrong

Bring it girlie, BRING. IT.

Now that I’ve started the sleeve (did you see the cute little budding cables?!?! I gave birth to baby cables!!!), I’m way less scared!!! I CAN DO IT!!! I’m still not sure if my gauge is right, but whatever…I guess either way, this is good practice!! (note that this is what I say now. If it turns out that my gauge is TOTALLY off and I have to re-knit this sleeve LATER , I will probably cry and Claudia will probably snicker in the corner ;))

There’s even a little un-offical knit-along going on!!! I’ve managed to poke the coals on a few Rogue embers and possibly gotten a fire or two started!!! If you’re local (or not!) and you wanna join in, I’m ALL ABOUT bringin’ people down with me!!! MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaheh…{{cough}}

The fun doesn’t stop there though, NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I’ve been a’knittin’! Check this out:

I CAN THRUM TOO!

Stacey, don’t you just totally wanna shove this in your mouth and eat it??!

I’m sooooo in love with my prettypretty roving!!!! Chelsea brought it back for me from Rhinebeck and I lovelovelovelove it! Chelsea also gave me the sweetest Christmas goodie bag of knitty treats because Chelsea soo rocks!!!! I never did get to take a picture of it all though BUT I LOVE IT!! THANKS GIRLIE!!!

The only thing about the thrums (and it’s probably my fault) is that they’re shedding all over the mitten! It’s cool though, cause then I guess I’ll have fuzzy thrummy mittens! Anyway, I think they are sooo pretty regardless, so whatever! WOO HOO!!! THRUMS!!!! Who knew Cascade 220 was such a deal too?!!? It’s 100% Peruvian Highland Wool at 200+ yards a hank for like $7!(hrm. I just looked at the ball band. it’s 220 yards. Is that why they call it Cascade 220?)

Speaking of Peruvian Highland Wool…Did y’all know that Elann has new stock? Yeah, NEW STOCK! Of all the colors I WANTED TO BUY but RESISTED BUYING and now have to RESIST AGAIN!

I feel like maaaybe the yarn diet is going to hell anyway, as I just bid $60 on discontinued yarn* on ebay. GOOD RESISTING, eh?

{{sigh}}

(*notice how I didn’t say WHAT I bid on? That’s because even though I half really want to LOSE the auction, I also half want to WIN, and if I TELL YOU, you might outbid me and snatch up my precious yarn! How bad am I!?!?)

As for the Friday-Date Boy (FDB?), I hesitate to put any details on here, as people that don’t knit read this blog and I’ve recently gotten into trouble by writing personal stuff which was misunderstood, but I CAN say that while no second date has been scheduled, MUCH email flirting has ensued and I have high hopes that a second date will be made! (ugh! It KILLS me, I SO wanna gush on in school-girl fashion about how he was all like “Hey!” and I was all like “Yeah, wassuuup, yo!” and he was like “werrrrd.” Hmm. It’s 2:30am. I have NO IDEA what I’m talking about. Disregard.)

Hey, lemme throw this one out there…

Should I be concerned that a co-worker identified what brand my super cute corderoy pants were because she had just bought the *same exact ones* for her daughters ages 12,14 and 17!?!?!? What does this say about me?!?!!?

You know how some days you just can’t get yourself to knit anything and others it’s like you Just. Can’t. Put. It. Down!?!?!

I’m pretty sure I just had an entire weekend of the latter. My cat hates me. She’s so jealous of the GGSE™ that she just glares at it. She probably thinks I’ve replaced her with a giant blob of green yarn, considering the amount of time GGSE™ and I spent together this weekend.

I don’t have any real progress pics to show, but this might give you a hint at where I’m at:

There’s another hint on this page somewhere…

CAN YOU STAND THE SUSPENSE?!?!?! I worked so hard on that thing my left arm is KILLING me!! Everytime I tried to knit something last night, my arm held a protest (I’m thinking I’d really like to HURT the person who came up with the idea to knit with needles the size of redwood tree trunks)!! Still, I kept trying to knit, and knit I did…

Huh? Wassthat? Rogue? Yeeaaaaaahhh…uh…I meant to get started on that, I DID, but uh… well? I sorta sat down with the chart for the sleeve (as Claudia pointed out — it’s just one big swatch!) and got all scurred*, so no sleeve was started. I DID manage to get to my LYS for the addis though…

See all those symbols n’ shit? You’d be scared too!

The swatch in the pic is the same one from Friday. I just included it so you could get a better sense of the color Since a couple of you asked, the yarn is Beaverslide Fisherman Weight wool in Snowberry. It’s a pretty good deal, too…I got a whole sweater’s worth for under $50!!!!

Since I was too gun-shy to Rogue, and since I TOTALLY deserved to start up something new (almost two FO’s in four days!!!) I FINALLY started my THRUMMED MITTENS!!!

Since my arm hurt, I didn’t get too far.

While it doesn’t seem as though much time went into this so far, getting the thrummies started involved a lot of work!!! I had to wind the yarn into a ball (without a swift, I’m noticing, this really sucks), make a bunch of thrums (which I’m pretty sure are ALL WRONG), and free my size 3DPNS from enslavement on another project. What’s this OTHER project you ask? Well, it’s sort of a secret, but since there’s no way you’ll be able to figure out what it is from the progress so far, I’ll show you:

In fact, if you CAN guess *exactly* what it is, I’ll give you a PRIZE! But you won’t figure it out, I’m SURE!

I thought I was going to have to abandon my hopes of thrumming for finishing this little knit, but after only a few, short rows, I was able to put the whole thing on stitch holders and use my DPNS for thrummed fun!

For those of you keeping track, I DID also do the cleaning I said I would do AND LAUNDRY TO BOOT! All while watching a little over half of “My So-called Life.” How could I have POSSIBLY forgotten just how HOT Jordan Catalano was?

I love snowy, slacker weekends, don’t you?

PS - I went on a date Friday (at least, I think it was a date. Well, it was sort of a date.)!!! This time, I really do hope there is a second date!!

*scurred - Usher (or Urrsher)-speak for scared. I’m a sad product of my radio station

EEeeever since I saw Claudia’s perfectly grafted, perfectly speckled hood almost a year ago, I have wanted me my very own Rogue Cardie.

Back then, I even bought yarn and needles for it (after MUCH color/yarn deliberation/envy and muchmuchmuch swatching — every time I swatched, it came out different, even if it was the same needle size — I think I maybe made about 80 swatches?!!? Ok, not really, but STILL. ) At that time, despite the rought start, I thought I was all set. Of course, I was late on the Rogue gravy-train and by the time I had committed to actually casting on, it was Spring.

Too late.

But NOW, it’s January!!! And Snowy!!! Perfect time for Roguey goodness, no?

So, I pulled out the stuff…my pattern and my addi-turbos-bought-specifically-for-Rogue-based-on-my-80-swatches and my cotton-candy speckly pink yarn..and got ta swatchin’ one. last. time. just to make sure everything was on the level.

Then I measured.

4 st/in.

%#$@%$%

motherBITCHES!

(it’s supposed to be 4.5)

(While we’re at it, it’s also supposed to be *6* rows/in, and I was only *ever* able to get 7. No matter what the needles size. 7.)

Here is my sad little swatch.

{{sigh}}

If we zoom out, you’ll see my pile of swatches from last year, laughing at New Swatch…

I think that’s all of them…minus the one Hayley stole for a cat toy and the one I turned into a wrist band (crafty, eh?)

So NOW, I have to haul my ass to my LYS to get size *6* addis (dangerous, considering my pledge not to buy any yarn till at least March!)

I’m so mad at my yarn!!! It even taunts me!!! The same *exact* yarn in the same *exact* color knitted up perfectly to gauge for Lorette*, WHY NOT ME!?!?!?

{{sigh}}

I guess this is punishment for even considering Rogue while GGSE™ lies one-armed and neckless. GGSE™, I haven’t forgotten you!!! I was just SWATCHING!!! It was just a SWATCH! I still love you!!!! Sorta.

As some consolation, my Momma’s Belated Birthday Scarf is COMPLETE! The first FO of 2005!!!

I wish it was a ball longer, but when ya run out of yarn, ya run out of yarn…

Here is a closeup.

I was a stinkin’ two rows from finishing it the other night at Meetup when they kicked us out!!! That’s ok though It’s FINISHED NOW!!! Ends woven in, blocked and EVERYTHING!!! WHEEEE! I hope Momma likes it. From what I hear, the hat I made that goes with it is still sitting in the box :-\

Both the hat and scarf are made from Debbie Bliss’ Alpaca Silk, using this pattern. Not the best choice for the pattern, as the alpaca silk is too soft and drapey to show the cables all that well, but I just really wanted my mom to have a pretty, soft hat/scarf set using a nice, posh yarn. It’s soooo soooooft The only thing I don’t like about the yarn is that it got all halo-y and fuzzy looking as I was knitting with it, making it look a little ratty (in my opinion). Oh well.

This weekend, besides buying new addis and swatching for a sweater that does not seem to be in my future, I’m hoping to make crazy progress on GGSE™, clean the half of the apt I *didn’t* clean last weekend, bust out with a “My So-Called Life” Marathon and enjoy the mad snow we’re about to get from the comforts of my warm couch.

I’ve also added a new victim to my drunk-dial-and-email-flirt list, so we’ll see how *that* affects my weekend plans as well

PS — To my fellow DC wanna-be-Roguers (you know who you are!!), I say we commit and set a DATE! Feb 1, anyone?

* Lorette had gauge issues of her own, but she’s over it and actually KNITTING her Rogue and I’m jealous, so I still get to whine about mine