I am, by nature, NOT a gift knitter.

The deadlines don’t suit me, the STRESS doesn’t suit me, and the fact that I have to give the thing away in the end DEFINATELY doesn’t suit me.

Therefore, I swore I was not going to let IT happen.

Holiday Knitting.

No.

None for me.

Thank you.

Hell if I’m going to ditch all of *my* knits, bust my ass trying to make crazed deadlines, and stress myself out during my favorite time of year!!! I’ve seen what *it* does to people, and THIS YEAR, IT WASN’T HAPPENING TO ME.

No. holiday. knitting.

NONE.

NO.

sorrymaybenextyearNO.

bah humbug.

NO.

(get it?)

Well, this Thanksgiving, wearing my pretty new long-sleeved minisweater, I curled up with my niece to watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special (the one where Peppermint Patty invites herself over for Thanksgiving and Chuck makes her and the gang popcorn and toast and she gets mad and then they all go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s condo?).

My niece is 2.

My niece is very cute.

Irresistably cute.

Like, take YOUR niece’s cuteness, and muliply it by like 10 and THAT’S HOW CUTE my niece is to *me*

(to you, she might just be darn fucking cute, but to ME, she is the be-all-and-end-all of CUTENESS)

see?

CUTE.

Right.

So, there we were, watching some Snoopy, when she started petting my sweater.

“Preeeeeeetttttty,” she said.

me: Yeah? You like it?

her: Yeah. Red.

me: You like red?

her: I want a sweater.

me: A red sweater?

her: No. Purple.

me: You want me to make you a purple sweater?

her: I ask Santa Claus.

…

…

fuuuuuuuck.

um.

You think three weeks is enough time?

Underneath the sunny, lovely exterior YOU’VE come to know as vibegrrl, there is a girl who’s maybe a touch disturbed.

CLEARLY, this must be the case, since it was my idea to check out THIS place.

That’s right, my idea of fun on a Friday night is exploring an abandoned sanitorium for Tuberculosis patients that was built in the 1930’s and shut down in the 80’s due to asbestos.

There is something wrong with me. OBVIOUSLY. However, that also means there is something seriously wrong with my roomate, my friend Darrin and this girl you know and love, as they all agreed to come WITH me.

When I tried to explain to my friend Greg where we were going, he said to me, “WHAT ARE YOU? 13?!?!!?!? Adults don’t do these kinds of things!”

Apparently though, they do…they just take a few extra precautions.

I’d like to take a moment to thank Chelsea for not killing me and still remaining my friend after I made her buy an asbestos mask, work gloves, safety goggles, flashlights, rain boots, and an entire, multi-layered black outfit from Goodwill that I forced her to throw away as soon as we got to the car. In case you don’t get the extreme nature of the last part, that meant stripping down to our underlayers in the middle of a dark parking lot, at 4:30 am, in 25 ° weather.

Thanks Chelsea, that’s friendship

(some tried to call me a little crazy, but dude, fuck THAT shit, NONE of that asbestos was coming home with us, ‘aight?)

Here is a pic of the roomie, trying on her gear while waiting for Darrin to meet us at the radio station:

We TOTALLY sounded like Darth Vadar with those things on.

I had been studying this place since Halloween (when I got the idea). Thanks to message boards, I knew how to get there, I knew what to watch out for, and I knew EXACTLY how to get in. I even had aerial maps! When we finally parked and got out of the car, it was like I’d jumped IN TO THE MAP! CRAZY! I was looking around and it was like I’d been there before, I knew it so well!

In order to get to the hospital, you have to climp up this steep clay path that’s totally overgrown with trees and vines. So there we were, concentrating on not tripping and not getting thwacked in the head by branches (an endeavor I was not so successful with) when we looked up and out of nowhere appeared the most massive, hauntingly creepy abandoned building. It was something straight out of a horror movie, all lit up by the moonlight. It was beautiful.

I kinda wanted to stand there a bit longer and soak it all in, but um, yeah, HELLO? COPS? Just in case any decided to come by, I didn’t wanna get caught. SO, on we go…

Once you get through the brush-covered path and step over the torn-down fence, you’re in! Problem is? You gotta enter through the morgue.

That’s not creepy, NOT AT ALL.

Since we showed up in the middle of the night and a good portion of the windows are boarded up, that place is PITCH BLACK inside. We HAD flashlights, but to give you an idea of what it was kinda like…

Holy shit, right?

It’s not much better all lit up by my freakishly high-powered flash, either.

A tip to any intrepid urban explorers out there…make sure you’re watching where you step…

This is not an exit.

That well was just in the middle of the floor and if you weren’t looking, well…yeah. The funny thing about it was that someone had spray painted “This is not an exit” right above it. THOSE CRAZY KIDS!

Seriously though, watch where the fuck you walk, yo.

We came across this one room that looked like it had a smooth, black, possibly marble floor. Before stepping into it, I flashed my light over to get a better look.

Good thing, yeah?

It’s an elevator shaft completely filled with water. HOLYJESUSFUCKINGCHRIST! You should have heard Gil and Chels freak when I kicked a styrofoam cup into the water! HA! They kept getting soooo mad at me. I’d walk like three steps off to the side and they’d be all like “LARA! STAY WITH THE GROUP!”

Poor Gillian, all she was doing was muttering, “Guys? I wanna go. Can we go now? Let’s go. I wanna go.”

Sorry Gil, You’re not going A N Y W H E R E.

mwhahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

As for the date? It WAS him, and it was GOOD! AND HE PAID!

Quotes from LAST WEEKEND:

“I’m not saying…I’m just SAYING.”

“I like the way you run your shit.”

and my favorite…

“Get over here, you big black Q-tip!”

Quote we HOPE not to hear, but MAY THIS weekend:

“Dude, can you come and bail me out?”

Last weekend involved:

THIS weekend will involve asbestos masks and praying we don’t get arrested. There will be pictures. There will also be a date with a sketchy boy you totally don’t approve of.

Is it somewhat ironic that I have to be at jury duty this morning? I think yes.

btw, I may have cast on for a few new knits:

…there was an eager little knitter named ME who really wanted a new sweater to wear to the sheepy festival.

She had yarn. She had a pattern. SHE HAD A PLAN.

So the eager little knitter knit eagerly in eager anticipation.

It all appeared to be going so well!

Gauge was measured, calculations were calculated, adjustments were made. Our little knitter friend thought she was sooo cleverclever! She TOTALLY should have known better.

(by the way, whoever said ROW GAUGE AIN’T IMPORTANT LIED TO YOU!)

When the sweater was approximately 85% completed, the wee knitter noticed a problem:

what, you don’t see the problem? Wait…

AHH! THERE IT IS! To better illustrate…

Let’s just say that Holly has a certain pair of endowments that our little knitter girl DOESN’T HAVE.

On Holly, that sweater is a boobholder (as it should be). On ME, the boobless, it’s a TENT! In order to make it fit right, I had to pull it so far around me that it created a wierd little dohickey Holly and I dubbed, “The Mini-V.”

The Mini-V is fugly.

It’s not cute.

However, I pressed on.

I said to Holly, “Let me just work on the sleeve a bit…maybe it’ll still turn out ok! MAYBE IT WILL!”

Holly gave me a look that said, “You go on and knit that if it makes you feel better suga, but you’re GONNA HAVE TO RIP IT, eventually.”

Holly was right.

{{sigh}}

the day before the sheepy festival, no less.

(I think it was the half-puffy, half-straight sleeves that did me in)

Do you think this stopped our wee knitter? HELLZ NO! She put that yarn RIGHT BACK ON THE NEEDLES and got crackin’!

NO MINISWEATER IS GONNA GET THE BEST OF OUR LITTLE KNITTER!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAY!

However, it DID manage to claim another month of her knitting life, for reasons we can only chalk up to a lack of knitty dedication.

In the END though, victory was won!

The Long-Sleeved Mini (Wrap-around) Sweater with Ties was FINALLY FUCKING BORN (thank the LORD!):

“The Lara”

“The Back”

“The Closeup”

the deets:
Glampyre’s Minisweater (with obvious mods)
knit on size Us9s with 2 hanks of Brooks Farms Four Play

I used almost ALL of both hanks. I have maybe a few yarns left. It was close. Also? There is NO EASE WHATSOEVER in those sleeves. I like it that way. Oh and ALSO ALSO? Four Play is the softest SOFTEST SOFTEST SOFTEST EVER! It’s a 50/50 Wool/Silk blend and I LOVE it! It’s wear-against-your-bare-naked-skin SOFT! Sooo good.

(actually, I’d BETTER love it, since it’s the only Four Play I’m getting, as of late.)

Tomorrow (today?*), I’m going to dress it up and wear it to work for it’s big debut in the real world Hopefully, I’ll snap a nice, natural light photo to share with yoooouuuuu.

OMGYAYIMADEASWEATER!

(it soo never gets old!)

have good weekend

* this time Carol, it actually IS Friday! WOO!