The Money Pit

Do you remember that movie?

The one with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long?

The one where the bathtub falls through the floor and all you see is Tom Hanks from below, looking thorugh the hole in the floor, laughing maniacly, like he’s lost his goddamned mind?


If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, I’ve been moving.

This was my old apt.

This is my new apt.


I have been trapped in two weeks of the purest form of hell I can imagine.

I’m SO not kidding.

How do I NOT love my new home? Let me count the ways:

  • Our new apartment came with horridly STAIND carpeting. ORANGE AND BLACK STAINS.
  • The toilet doesn’t flush
  • When you press ‘surface light’ on the microwave (you know, to turn on the light over the range?), it starts COOKING THINGS. That is, to my knowledge, the only way the microwave WILL attempt to cook anything. However, don’t try STOPPING the microwave — none of the other buttons work.
  • Although I have a new phone number and Verizon tells me it’s working, none of my phone jacks work.
  • Yeah, neither do the cable jacks.
  • The garbage disposal sounds like it’s going to take off and fly somewhere. The bonus to this is that it makes the entire KITCHEN vibrate. If I lean up against the counter, it could make disposing of garbage MUCH more interesting.
  • The drain stopper of one of the bathroom sinks is permanently keeping the sink from draining. If you were to perhaps not notice this until AFTER you turned on the water, you will have to find a cup to SCOOP THE WATER OUT OF THE SINK.

There is more, but I think you get the idea.

The people at my new complex act very concerned and helpful and tell me they will look into certain things and call me back, but naturally, I never hear from them until three hours LATER when I end up having to call THEM back. I’m their FAVORITE new tenant for SURE. I’m starting to think he has my number on caller ID, because he now almost never answers when I call.


To their credit, the carpetwas replaced, but not until THREE DAYS AFTER I MOVED IN. For those three days, I slept on the couch and couldn’t unpack *anything*, since they had to move it all to actually INSTALL the new carpet. Also to their credit, they fixed the microwave once, but two days later (two days during which we did not OPERATE the microwave), I discovered that it is, indeed, fucked again. Oh, did I mention the door frame of said microwave is all cracked up? Well, it is.

Not only will my haunted microwave not cook anything, but when it DOES, it will likely attempt to kill me with leaking radiation.

My new roomate and I have had it to the point where we’re just numb like, “Oh? There’s a gas leak? That’s nice…”

We’ve considered sending hate mail to the previous tenants. Interestingly enough, the mail of theirs we’ve found is still being forwarded from their LAST address.

So that’s where I’ve been. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen, with my head in the oven.


By the way, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is the BOMB!

17 Responses to “The Money Pit”

  1. Angie Says:

    Oh, Dear God! It sounds horrible. Be wary of the microwave. It sounds like it’s one of those models that will TOTALLY SEND BAD JUJU TO YOUR UTERUS. (I’m making that up, but still.) Here’s hoping that the management gets off of their asses soon!

  2. Cara Says:

    Uck. Moving sucks enough without all this crap. Hope it gets fixed soon. Can you withhold rent or something? Yay for new carpets though, right?

  3. Carrie Says:

    Dude. That sounds insane. Somebody’s gotta show those landlords who’s boss…and I think it’s gonna be YOU!

    I missed you! Rhine. Beck.

  4. paula Says:

    ugh. do they have some guarantee where if it sucks you can leave? what a pain!

    btw- rogue? so never gonna finish.. and someone on that yahoo list was talking about MULTIPLE ROGUES for xmas or something. ?????

  5. Rossana Says:

    You can nuke my toe-cheese hat in your microwave if you’d like. =) Good luck getting settled in. And for the record, I did wonder where you were and what you’d been up to. How’s your beautiful kitty dealing with the move?

  6. mat Says:

    Well, on the bright side, at least you didn’t BUY the place ;)

  7. SDRec Says:

    ha ha ha Well Been there done that even though I had my whole boxes unpacked and I had to pack them again becouse of these management bastards that did not picked up the phone when I wanted to ask them kindly “Should I unpack … or hmmm wait ” and on the top of that the car got towed twice for the time being … And they paid for it …. after the HELL .. Well good luck !!!

  8. Silvia Says:

    Dear merciful heavens! What state are you in? Is there a knitting lawyer handy to get all Dr. Phil on their ass? Hope you’re hanging in there chica!

  9. Vicki Says:

    Poor thing! I had to complain about a couple tiny things the first week in our apt. and I felt so bad. Nothing compared to all that though. Glad to know you’re still alive though. At least until all that radiation gets to you.

  10. Kate Says:

    Yikes. Sorry for all the shit, as if moving isn’t hell enough. I agree with Mat though, at least you didn’t buy the place :-)

  11. jenna Says:

    Dealing with landlords/management companies is the absolute worst. It really sounds like you have it especially bad. Maybe this experience can help you become really handy?
    Good luck with the roommate.

  12. heather Says:

    you should get money off your rent until they fix it!

    Good luck girl!

  13. Anne Marie Says:

    Oh No! That’s awful. It totally calls for cocktails.
    I think that whomever invented Mr. Clean Magic Erasers should win the Nobel Prize. Is Mr. Clean a real person, I don’t know?
    Good luck. I hope there isn’t a stairwell there like on the money pit!

  14. Stacey Says:

    Oh dear….how horrible! Did you HAVE to move out of your last place? Ugh. Moving sucks anyway without having to deal woth that kind of shit.

  15. Joanne Says:

    Jeezus. If there’s anything I can do to help, just holla. Oh and if it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain you STILL have a better washing machine than mine! ;P

  16. michelle Says:

    How awful! That property isn’t even five years old yet! Sorry to hear that you have to deal with all that crap. I hope they make it right, and soon!

  17. carrie m Says:

    oh! that sounds totally hellish! don’t let up on the building management until you get everything done. anouk looks so cute, by the way!