You think it was trying to tell me something?

So, I’m at work and I want a snack. I grab a dollar bill out of my wallet and head for the vendy machine. After a millisecond scanning the selections, I decide I don’t WANT the fucking trail mix with the yogurt chips (ew) — I want a bag of DORITOS.




I put the money in and carefully press A-2 and wait for my tasty chips to make their freefall into my lovin’ arms. Except, instead of releasing them, the machine just BEEPS at me.

“MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION,” it types at me.

But I don’t WANT another selection, I want my DORITOS!

I try again.




I don’t get it. I gave it the money. The Chips are THERE. GIVE THEM TO ME!

This is when I started yelling at the machine. Out Loud.

“I’ll eat what I WANT. Gimme my CHIPS, BITCH!”



Wha the?

Guess who’s eating the goddamned trail mix?

10 Responses to “You think it was trying to tell me something?”

  1. Norma Says:

    Heh-heh. Yeah. You should have seen me reduced to some sort of quasi-criminal when the vending machine at a rest stop did one of those, “push the thing just to the edge, but not let it fall” things? And it was Doritos, too. Here I am, a respectable person, kicking and knocking and pounding on the thing, trying to get it to release. Which, of course, it didn’t. So I put in more money, and I get TWO. But wait. The real story was that I was NOT wanting Doritos. I wanted gum. I punched in the number for GUM, and the Doritos hung on the edge. I figured I put in the wrong number. So after the temper tantrum that didn’t work, I punched the number again….and you guessed it…I got TWO bags of Doritos.

  2. Laundro Says:

    That’s so Dilbert!

  3. Cara Says:

    Dude. I hope you kicked that machine’s ass. That’s just wrong.

  4. claudia Says:

    How sad that you are the vending machine’s bitch.


  5. Rossana Says:

    Hee hee! That was funny! I can only imagine the ruckus you could’ve created with a baseball bat…

  6. Samantha Says:

    That just plain sucks.

  7. celtic knitter Says:

    I guess the machine didn’t wanna be your bitch. Sorry about the trailmix . . . I feel your pain.

  8. Sam Says:

    Aw that sucks so much. And now I want dorritos.

  9. frecklegirl Says:


    You’d think with all the fancy technology we have today, the bastards could make a vending machine that actually works. When you need some Doritos, you need some Doritos!!

  10. Anne Marie Says:

    Girl, I have snack machine issues too. I wish my machine would stop giving me snickers bars. No matter how much money I give it.
    Maybe you could get that hammer or ax that is sometimes associated with the fire alarm and threaten that stupid machine.