FIRST, SATURDAY, I was going to post this picture and ask my bug-savvy friends to help me indentify what in the HELL this little thing is because they appear to have invaded my home:


They’ve been hanging around the windowsill in the kitchen, routinely jumping to their deaths for a swim in Hayley’s water bowl. It wasn’t until I found them IN THE DINING ROOM AS WELL, on a windowsill that Hayley naps on frequently, AND when I noticed that they JUMP, that I started to think they were fleas. (They are not fleas.)

Needless to say, I spent that entire night itchy as all get out and having insane nightmares about insects.

THEN, SUNDAY, I was going to tell you the harrowing tale of a girl who was sitting at home with her cat, knitting and minding her own goddamn business when THIS thing decided to park itself next to her on the couch:


My heart stopped. I jumped at LEAST two feet in the air and screamed at the cat.


I don’t know what I thought she could do. Likely nothing. I think I just needed SOMEONE with which to share my horror.

I trapped it under a glass, put five heavy books over it and hid, locked in my bedroom with Hayls. HORRIFED.

Eventually, realizing that it would never suffocate under there and that it would either dig its way out OR Hayley would free it in an attempt to kill me, I bravely scooped it up (with a paper towel), walked it BLOCKS away from my apartment, and SQUISHED the ever-lovin’ SHIT out of it ’till it was no more than a crusty smear of bug guts on the pavement.

I called the apartment management office on MONDAY. I told them about the roach and the mysterious microscopic jumpers (which I now believe to be Springtails), and was assured that pest control would come out the next day and take care of it.



It’s aaalllll good.

So, TUESDAY. I’m having a good day. I booked a hotel in Paris today! WE’RE GOING TO PARIS! YAY! Right? Good day! It’s late, I just got off work, I’m practicing my French out loud to myself as I walk through the door. I might have EVEN been singing the French National Anthem.

“Allons en-fants de la patrieeee-uh, le jour de gloire eeeest arriv…”

See it?



After I took this picture, Hayley came by and scared it down the garbage disposal, but not before I was able to smush *some* of it.


Just as insurance, I turned on the disposal.

NOW, I’m going to cry.

ps – happy birthday holly. (and you too, jeffrey (1 day late).)

18 Responses to “Invasion.”

  1. molly! Says:

    OMG, I totally understand how you feel. I thought no one outside of my ghetto apartment in Japan lived this kind of life. While I’m glad I’m not alone, I feel very sorry for you. Hang in there!!

  2. isel Says:

    I feel your pain, girlie. I can’t sit anywhere in this goddamn apartment without seeing a roach crawling somewhere…it’s like being an eternal guest at Joe’s apartment.

    Paris! How exciting is that!?!?!

  3. Jaimi Says:

    What the bloody living hell IS that?

    (I think we have mice. I feel your pain.)

  4. Laundro Says:

    The last picture is a silverfish, i think…

    Enjoy Paris!

  5. Erin Says:

    Note to my bug-hating self: When photo of first bug appears in Lara’s blog post, STOP reading. Don’t continue on to see two more of the grossest, nastiest bug photos. Just STOP reading.

    Ewwwwwwwwwwww. I’m going to be jumpy all day. My apologies to you and kitty!! Icky, icky!

  6. maya Says:

    I can barely look at that last picture – those are the insects I fear the most. The move fast and look like they would eat your face off. I had them in my old apartment. If i could catch one, I would crush it and then leave a shoe or something on top of it for a week, just to be sure. ugh – I get the chills just thinking about it. I hope pest control puts the smack down in a big way.

    At least you have something to think happy thoughts about – Paris!!!

  7. Silvia Says:

    Yeah Paris!!! Yeah yeah yeah! Tres romantique – or however you say that.

    Bugs are icky. May not be PC to say, but they are.

  8. kelly Says:

    oh, that is so sick! i’ve never seen a springtail before, but any bug that JUMPS is scary. I think the bottom one is either a centipede or silverfish. do you live in a lower level within a city? Good luck getting rid of the invaders:)

  9. biglug Says:

    That third bug? they were in my house in Trenton. they are house centipedes. UGh. I loathe them. Nothing ruins your day like pulling back the shower curtain and seeing one of those.

  10. Betsy Says:

    GIRLFRIEND – you want bugs come to FLORIDA – you can hear them approaching. Make sure the managment uses pet friendly stuff to de-bug.

  11. Vicki Says:

    Ugh! Gives me the heebeejeebies just looking at them. Best of luck to ya :)

  12. Shelley Says:

    OK…I am so creeped out now! I absolutely HATE those centipedes (the one in the sink!) They are so fast and give me the willies. Thank goodness I only see them once in awhile in my home.

  13. Val Says:

    That last bug, I had a total infestation of them in my last appt. I learned about them, and I’ll save you the knowledge, because I after I read up on them I wished I had never looked them up, and gone straight to the exterminator. That’s awesome that your landlord is quick to act, though!
    Just a note, make sure you tell the bug people that you have a cat, because most insecticides are poisenous for pets, who might lick the floor or get some on their fur and risk ingesting residues. I love your DIY halter btw!

  14. Christine Says:

    EW!! I am so grossing out at all the bug stuff!! But the website you linked to is actually pretty cool!!

  15. Anne Marie Says:

    Bugs are so gross. Petey seems to enjoy NOT killing them so that I can be disgusted on a regular basis.

    Ahh Paris! I am green with envy.

  16. Sheri Says:

    I hate bugs. Here we have tons of earwigs (disgusting!), and I keep getting ants in the house. I’ve squirted ant killer all around, but still they come. Not as bad as earlier in the summer, though. And there seems to be an abnormally large amount of spiders. There’s a whole lot of squishin’ going on here!

  17. sarah Says:

    OH man. I feel your pain with the bugs. Go pop over to my site to see the whole rant. Disgusting, nasty little buggers. Hope you have more luck with yours than I’m having with mine. Oh, and the nightmares? I’m having them too. . .waking up in the middle of the night frantically checking the bed for the damn things that are “crawling” on me. *shiver*

  18. Krista Says:

    Yep, those last ones creep me out. We get them (as well as a wide variety of other freaky bugs) where we live. They’re centipedes, and we frequently see them in the shower, hiding behind the curtain. I wash them down the drain. I can handle the grasshoppers and other weird doodads that sneak in here, but those really freak me out.